Problematic behaviour includes disrespectful and harmful attitudes or actions that can condone and normalise abuse against women. Whilst we may not think that words have an direct impact on violence against women and girls, sexist jokes and ‘banter’ can contribute towards a culture of abuse against women and girls, and can often legitimise the behaviour of others who may end up committing serious acts of violence.

Some forms of violence against women and girls are more obvious than others, but if we all educate ourselves on what it is, signs to look out for, and what we can do about it, then together we can help put a stop to it by supporting women and girls who are being targeted and reporting those doing the harm.

• Objectifying women.
• Belittling women or girls in conversation, such as using sexist nicknames or using derogatory remarks.
• Seeking to control women’s behaviour. 
• Using intimidating or humiliating behaviour to destroy a woman’s self-confidence and undermine her.
• Discriminating against women, for example a woman is not offered a job that she is qualified for because she is a woman or it is assumed that a woman can’t do something because she is a woman. 
• Having double standards where men are viewed in a lenient way and women tend to be criticised.
• Treating women differently from men in social and professional settings.
• Threatening, aggressive, intimidating, or violent behaviour.
• Pursuing unwanted sexual comments or advances, including catcalling, stalking, staring, touching, taking pictures without consent, exposure to sexual assault and rape.
• Controlling, confident and self-centred behaviour, as well as competitive.

We know it’s not easy to be the one to challenge wrongdoing amongst your friends. That’s what say maaate to a mate is all about. 

Mate is a word that needs no introduction. It’s familiar and universal. It can be used as a term of endearment and as a word of warning. This simple word, or a version of it, can be all you need to interrupt when a friend is going too far. 

It’s not just us saying that. Say maaate to a mate has been developed in conjunction with behavioural scientists following in-depth research with men in London of different ages and backgrounds and in a variety of different settings. The message itself has been tested with men and women, validated with linguistic science and endorsed by experts in tackling violence against women and girls. 

Try our interactive video to see how you can say maaate to a mate when their behaviour towards women and girls goes too far without making things awkward.

Behavioural science shows that people are most likely to listen to their peers - people they know, trust, and relate to. That’s why it’s important that we as men intervene when a friend goes too far with their behaviour towards women and girls.

It’s important that care is taken when calling out abusive behaviour, to ensure this happens in a way that is safe for everyone involved. If you feel you would be putting yourself in danger by calling out a situation, don’t do it. There are other ways you can show that you don’t support this behaviour.

Below are some tips to call out harmful behaviour without humiliating or shaming, or escalating the situation:

• Say maaate – using a familiar and friendly word to interrupt
• Don’t feel pressured to laugh along to sexist conversations or ‘banter’
• Change the subject
• Find an opportunity to talk about it with the person away from other people
• Walk away, don’t engage with the inappropriate comments or conversation
• Ask curious questions like ‘what do you mean by that?’ or ‘what makes you think that?’

There is advice available on the Men’s Minds Matter website around how to deal with anger which leads to violence and aggression towards others.

Here’s a few examples of some common sexist phrases that you may hear, that you can challenge with your peers:

“Boys will be boys.”

Nothing about misogyny is inevitable.

Suggesting that sexist behaviour from men and boys is natural serves no one and harms everyone, regardless of gender. We shouldn’t excuse or normalise it. Boys and men are capable of change—we must end this toxic culture and treat girls and women with respect.

“She's asking for it dressed like that.”

Too often, women and girls are blamed for the sexual assault and crimes committed against them. Everything from the clothes they wear, to the fact that they are out at night time is scrutinised.

Let’s be clear: the only person responsible for sexual assault is the perpetrator. Don’t play into this culture of victim blaming. Call it out.

“My ex-girlfriend is crazy.”

Saying a woman is “crazy” is a way of discrediting them and undermining their reactions or feelings.

It can also be a form of controlling behaviour because it questions someone’s reality and influences others into perceiving them as unreliable or unreasonable.

Let’s leave this tired stereotype behind.

“She’s such a drama queen.”

Calling a woman "dramatic" is highly stigmatising.

Men who express emotion, frustration or voice their concerns are unlikely to face the same criticism. We need to end these double standards.